It's officially December, which means all things Christmas are now acceptable! My husband can no longer get mad at me for the constant Christmas music that has been playing in our home since Halloween. For me 25 days is just not enough time! I want to fully soak in the cozy winter days filled with Christmas magic. There is just something about this time of year! The Christmas lights, the start of winter, comforting food, blankets and fire places are just a few of the things that make this time of year so special. I know it also lies in the memories from childhood and how my mother made the holidays extra special. Not to mention, growing up it was sometimes the only opportunity I got to see my extended family, which added to it being the most wonderful time of the year!
After my mothers death Christmas began to lose its magic. What once was filled with family, good food, decorations and warmth felt lonely, empty and cold. Not to mention the smell of balsam trees was a constant reminder of my mother. Every year at Christmas she would buy out Bath and Body Works of their balsam tree scent plug in. By the end of the holidays, she would have enough stored to last her until the following year. Therefore, it was easier to treat Christmas like any other day to avoid the loss that I was experiencing. It hasn't been until the last few years that I have truly been able to enjoy it again. It honestly took meeting my husband to fully enjoy it. It wasn't that he had the same addiction to the holiday that I once did, but he finally gave me the hope that I needed. I saw that instead of focusing on what was lost, I could carry on knowing there were new things to gain. New family dynamics and memories to be made. Now instead of glossing over the holiday, I am back to embracing its magic. That doesn't remove the occasional tear when I light that Christmas candle or sad smile I feel when watching White Christmas...my mother's favorite. However, that's the thing about hope, we can't have it without sadness, pain or fear. For hope is looking past the negativity and trusting in something greater.
God has been speaking words of hope into my heart this past week, which has been more than needed. During yoga class as frustration set in on my abilities lost due to cancer, He spoke words of hope through my instructor. In my morning after just waking, but already exhausted due to my medication, He led me to scripture that encouraged me. Now as I prepare to go for my 3 month MRI/CT scans tomorrow, He is letting friends speak words of hope to ease my worries. Plus allowing that Christmas magic to settle my soul. As always, I will keep you updated on what tomorrow brings and welcome all prayers!