• Tara

Goodbye 20's You Were Rough, But Loved


Well I kind of dropped the ball on updating the blog once receiving the news on my most recent scan. Lately life has been in a state of change both physically and emotionally. Thankfully I've learned how to handle at least physical change well. I thank my parents and our constant moving when I was a child. After six states and several moves within each I quickly learned how to adjust to new environments and challenges. With that said, let me get to what I know most of you came here looking for.

On May 21st I received a PET scan, which shows activity in your body by giving you an injection of radioactive glucose. Since cancer feeds off of glucose the active cancer cells will light up in the scan. In my scan the lung showed no active cancer cells! In other words, nothing lit up on the scan in my lung. This means that my TKI, Alectinib, is most likely doing its job and treating the tumors inside my lung. With this outcome my oncologist is holding off on any additional radiation. He did mention that the cells will become active again, but there is no saying when that will be. The next steps on treatment are continuing to take my medication and waiting. This time for a long three months. I will go for another scan at the beginning of September. I am learning the waiting period is my biggest struggle. I am a planner and want to have all the answers. Instead I am being forced to not know or have any level of control. It amazes me how God takes your weaknesses and makes you come face to face with them. As much as I dislike the struggle, I also appreciate the self improvement He is trying to create. Trust me when I say this acceptance wasn't welcome a few weeks ago, but with time I am welcoming it more and more.


Now you might think I must have been ecstatic when I heard the news from my doctor, but to be honest my initial reaction was sadness. I had mentally prepared for more radiation and was ready. I am at my best taking action and in the "go, go, go" environment. All of the sudden, I had to adjust to this state of just being, not necessarily taking action. The hardest part has been accepting there are tumors in my body that could potentially shorten my life and I have to just let them stay for now. In addition, my strained relationship with my father decided to come in to play adding to my emotional turmoil. In the midst of all of this, my husband and I had made the decision to move from Denver to Longmont in order to be closer to his job.


So here I am in a new city trying to figure out what life looks like now. Thankfully I have had a new home to keep me distracted...or maybe that's not a good thing. I know that we all go through adjustment periods. At times they seem more frequent, but I am learning to appreciate them just as much as my times of rest. Instead of focusing on what I cannot control, I am shifting it to gratitude and remaining lighthearted. Right now, I am grateful for my hair that seems to have stopped falling out (leftover radiation and stress side effects). For a husband that puts up with me and gives me nothing, but grace and love. For amazing friends that motivate me to be a better woman. And for the new young age or 30! Yep, yesterday I officially turned 30 and while I am not a fan of now saying I am in my 30's, I can hang on to the fact that I was often mistaken for a high school student as a teacher! Above all else, today I am grateful for another year of life and for a new decade! I will not waste this blessing and live it the best I know how!

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