To think I actually thought I would be bored with the extra time I have had since leaving my teaching position. I learned from the best, aka my mother, on how to maintain a busy life. She was the queen at finding forty things that HAVE to be done today when in reality none of it needed to happen. While I always admired her and all that she could accomplish, I am also aware how I want to slow down in life to be more present in each moment. Instead of trying to get out of house for church all while vacuuming the annoying dog hair, brushing my teeth, making the bed, wiping the crumbs from the counter, curling my hair, doing my make up and washing that pesky dish in the sink. Oh and while I'm at it I can start a load of laundry so it's ready to go in the dryer when I get home. If I could only learn to slow down then I could avoid the pacing that happens from my husband as the time approaches, and inevitably passes, that we need to leave for church by. Now don't get me wrong I never try to do too much that would cause me to be late. I just have the firm belief that I can get it all done and be on time. The fact that in all of my life this rarely happens is just a motivator to try again next time. Have I mentioned I'm stubborn! Well, thankfully I'm fully aware of my shortcomings and like to focus on self improvement. The notion of being fully present in each moment has been my current focus at therapy. By tapping into my childhood and adolescence I've really been shown why I have these certain tendencies. Again, why I would recommend therapy to anyone and everyone! Within this self work I've also been shown by God my need to slow down and surrender. He has provided the opportunities through interactions with strangers and making it possible to getaway with my husband.
The first of these was my encounter with a beautiful soul. To make a semi long story short, a yoga instructor at Corepower decided she would like to extend to me her free membership. After only a brief conversation and one yoga class together she made this decision. She knew very little about me and my story, but wanted to extend this gesture of kindness. Normally I would have probably insisted that she didn't and made myself feel guilty if I eventually accepted. Instead I said thank you and was received with an inviting hug. Within shifting my focus on enjoying the moments I am learning how to receive kindness. God has been bringing it to my attention lately how taking in this love from others is a way of giving. By saying yes to her kindness I was able to allow her to give, which is a gift for the both of us.
After this wonderful experience, Braden and I were scheduled to head to Austin. Here we planned to not only explore the city, but to also make the drive to Waco for their Annual Silo Marathon. Not only have I always wanted to go to Waco to get in touch with my inner Joanna Gains, but the race this year was benefiting cancer. Win-win in my books! So off we flew to Austin and made the two hour drive to Waco. Beyond my life now being complete because I saw Chip and Joanna Gains, but it also made me want to spend all of our money. Unfortunately for Braden I had the time to since he decided to run the full marathon while I only ran the 5K. However, I'm not belittling my accomplishment. That 5K was the first time I had done physical activity outside of my occasional yoga class since becoming diagnosed. Going into the race I told myself that I didn't care how slow I ran as long as I didn't stop or walk. Well I can happily say I saw that goal through. As I ran past the finish line, and straight to the bakery line (seriously that line is normally ridiculous so I took advantage of the crazy marathoners being gone), I was able to stop and reflect on the current moment. I felt, and still feel, so blessed to have been given the diagnosis of cancer and not let that hold me back. Our time in Waco and in Austin let me stop, escape and be in the moment. It truly was needed and another beautiful gift!
In these moments I am grateful I was able to stop and fully be present. However, daily I feel a weight as I long for my PET scan to be here. Yep, I can't wait! Not because I want to be injected with radioactive glucose (I despise that part), but because I just want to be taking action. For the most part I have convinced myself that radiation will be happening. Whether that is all my doing or God preparing me, I feel that regardless of the outcome I will be just fine. If it's radiation then I'll be happy to finally be tackling it, but if the radiation doesn't need to happen then I will be having a great day to say the least. Under one week now...have I mentioned patience is hard!