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I'd Choose My Life Everytime

As I sit here, fresh off a CT scan, I can't help but think about what my poor body has been through in the past three and a half months. It has been given contrast for MRI's/CT's, radioactive glucose for PET scans, radiation to the brain, steroids, estrogen plus other fertility meds, received a biopsy, taken a multitude of medications and been poked at countless times with needles. While I can easily get sucked into self pity and the "oh whoa is me" feeling I am usually quickly reminded how lucky I am. With the hospital being my new hang out location and becoming connected in the cancer community, I am constantly aware of hardships others are going through. You know what they say...have everybody throw their problems on the table and chances are you'll pick yours back up. Well, in comparison to some of the journey's I've heard, I choose mine! Now maybe I just happen to be writing this on a good day as I deal with the stages of grief, but having this viewpoint is what is going to get me through this.

In addition to focusing on my mindset, I am also trying to make other changes to assist in getting my body into a NED (no evidence of disease) state. This includes supplements, diet changes, yoga, meditation and therapy. I'm currently reading a book called Radical Remission, which I highly recommend to those in a similar situation, and it talks about how we can have stuck energy in our body. Specifically the lung means unresolved grief. When I read that a lightbulb went off in my head. For the past nine years I have been in the midst of unresolved grief due to the loss of my mother and the strained relationship I've had with my father. It wasn't until this past year that I started to try to heal through therapy. While I've been making strides to healing, I am even more determined to improve my emotional wellbeing. Now I know when I say "energy" some people maybe roll their eyes, but regardless if that sounds too "woo woo" to you there is something to be said for it. Take for example when someone walks into the room whom you find a struggle to be around. Instantly the energy in the room changes and usually you can physically feel it. Now I'll save any more discussion of this for a separate post, but feel it is important to share. More often that not we all are wrestling with an unresolved issue and I hope through my experiences people can start dealing with theirs. Unfortunately there is a negative stigma around therapy, but I've found it to be life changing and care far more about the results it has given me over what others think. I hope you can find what you need and not let fear hold you back!

More than ever I am motivated to focus on my emotional health after my update from my doctor, Camidge, this week. While I didn't receive bad news, it also did not make me want to jump up and down. Overall it seems that I am responding to my TKI Alectinib. This is seen with my frontal lobe spot being gone and a slight reduction in my lung. However, Camidge would like for me to have the upper hand and currently that is not the case. So in six weeks I will go in for a PET (positron emission tomography) scan. A PET scan will be able to show what in my lung is the tumor and what could be scar tissue. These results will determine if I need to have radiation to my lung. Until then I am remaining on a slightly reduced dosage of Alectinib, which will hopefully improve the side effects I've experienced. During this time I am going to focus on assisting my treatment with my physical and emotional changes. Meanwhile I will continue my lesson of patience and wait!


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