They always say be careful what you pray for. Isn't that the truth! When I was younger I always used to pray for more patience. If only I knew then that this meant a long journey of lessons being taught to me to give me exactly what I asked for.
For those of you familiar with my story you're aware that I lost my mother at the age of 21. This loss came with an additional journey of walking with my father through his rehabilitation of healing from the same motorcycle accident that took my mothers life. Through these experiences, and others, I gained an amazing amount of patience. Don't get me wrong...it took a lot of trial and error. However, today I have harnessed a skill that has increased my empathy for others. Yet in true God fashion, I don't think he is done teaching me patience. While I am wonderful (most of the time) at this with others, I truly lack patience with myself. Lately, this has been a struggle for me. I've always been the type to want to do things perfectly and now with all things in my life disrupted "perfection" isn't in the horizon. In fact, it's over those rocky mountains several states away. I feel accomplished on days when I manage to connect with God through scripture, take a yoga class and maybe do some laundry. It may not seem like much, but to me on those days I feel like I conquered the world. Yet with good days come the bad and lately they have been fighting for the top spot. On those bad days, whether they be emotionally or physically challenging, my patience with myself is nowhere to be seen and I'm left with guilt. This guilt rests in not being productive, positive or meeting the idea of how I should be. Personally, I believe we all are pros at forgetting the good and hanging on to the bad. It's why you probably would take the time to leave a one star review on amazon or yelp, but not think too much about it when there is a well deserved 5 star. Well I am doing my best to give myself patience and grace. Reminding myself that it's okay to not have it all figured out. I've learned that in time I get where I need to be at the exact moment I need to be there. Maybe the real lesson is patience with God?! Oh the wonderful way He works!
Speaking of patience, my CT scan that was scheduled for this week has now been pushed to next. Apparently the scanner broke and so now I wait. After my scan Tuesday, I will see my doctors on Wednesday to get a better understanding of how everything is looking! Thank you for your continued prayers and support!